i do everything right
i'm nice, i'm kind to others, i give when i can
im a shy person
and my worst fear
rejection - everytime i am rejected, it makes me feel horrible inside.
as if i've done something...wrong.
roleplaying, for example.
it makes me feel very happy.
creating my own character as an escape.
kitten makes me happy.
i've taken her through the wringer and back
i've broken her, i've repaired her
i've drawn her and i've redesigned her
i've perfected her in every way and now i wish to roleplay
but they say no
they stop roleplaying with me
they unfollow me and stop our threads
she has a decent background
she isn't too dependant on any character
she has flaws
she has development
it's either because she has cat ears or because
she's an oc
if she were human in apperance, she'd probably have at least a few more roleplays
imagine if she were a canon character
you never see canon character blogs just...stay in the dark
canon characters get all of the threads
all of the roleplays
i made my first mistake when i told a blog that she and their character were already best friends
they dropped the thread within two days and unfollowed me
my second mistake?
i don't know
they said they were going to make a thread - and they did. i replied.
however, then i lost my internet.
once it was restored, i replied to them.
they never replied back.
i messaged them, kindly telling them about the reply.
then, they unfollowed me too, despite still following my main account.
my third mistake?
having kitten be herself, i guess
i chose to make her a shapeshifter because i like cats and i wanted a cat character, but not an anthro or a fulltime cat. she became a shapeshifter. i made it so she would have cat ears and a tail though, as a side effect of shapeshifting so much.
but everyone has something against "nekos", they call them. why?
is it my fault it is something i wanted for my character?
is it my fault everyone thinks a neko girl is going to be a "marysue?"
if that's the case, i shouldn't even develop them. why should i? if she can be perfect then why not? why should i put time into making her character dislike this and like that, with her own backstory and setting?
if people assume she's going to be a mary sue, i might as well just say that she's married to ivan already with three children, because that's how bad people treat her. they treat her as if she is destined to be a mary sue.
kitten used to be a mary sue, unable to die, always knew what to say...
but now she is human
she is unsure of herself
she has no family
she is no longer dependant on russia for her backstory
she is an immortal empire who now no longer exists.
she should be in heaven right now, gone and forgotten, but she is still alive. why?
someone, somewhere remembers her.
she does not have the perfect life.
but nobody wishes to get that far into her character.
my roleplaying skills are wonderful.
i always check for typos
i will trim the thread if on my laptop
i think i am a good writer and i try to use correct everything while writing.
if i can't make good ocs, draw good, write good...
then what is there left?
if people would just...give me a chance...
i could be a russia
i think i am able to portray his character well
but if i were, it'd just be another russia related url
just another same general lines
no room to create anything new
everything would remain the same
i've considered making a russia blog
im sure that would get followers
but i want to create
i want the world to see what i can make
i want the world to give kitten a chance
but they give her as much of a chance as they would a snowball in hell.
i'm afraid and ashamed to ask anyone new to roleplay with me
and that's wrong
but i can't change that.
just a little ramble
im really tired of being rejected every time i try to reach out
im also really considering scraping kitten as a character
but the two rp partners that have accepted her are hella rad
but people just dont seem to get to know her and im really fucking tired of it
Listening to: hella music
Playing: ogre battle
Drinking: hella rad water