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About Varied / Student Premium Member maria a.k.a the jewFemale/United States Groups :iconcentalia: Centalia
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That is appealing.




happy fuckin HOLIDAYS BRUH
Fri Dec 26, 2014, 1:52 AM
i need to clean my gallery but then i say ehhhh
Wed Apr 16, 2014, 2:33 PM
sometimes if i close my eyes real tight i can see the heavens
Mon Mar 10, 2014, 8:47 PM
April in paris
Mon Mar 3, 2014, 8:23 AM
Thu Feb 27, 2014, 11:30 PM



Mar 1, 2015
7:53 pm
Feb 28, 2015
3:46 pm
Feb 27, 2015
8:51 pm
Feb 25, 2015
5:12 pm
Feb 24, 2015
7:44 pm

whats ur fave thing bout aph russia 

2 deviants said ??????? maria no
1 deviant said maria YES now answer the damn question [that means COMMENT U WEENIES]


Braginskey's Profile Picture
maria a.k.a the jew
Artist | Student | Varied
United States

hey toni where'd u get that fresh pepperoni???

names maria and im just a cat with some friends and aph russia

please don't look at my old art/journaLS THAT WAS MY WEEABOO PHASE

well basically I like drawing Ivan, my leopets/neopets and acnl peeps

i don't really use this account for posting things anymore, but i still use it for rping. my other account (art an shit) is "estonias"..........sometimes i go between both. just.. *clutches chest* can't let this account go

so anyway, feel free to talk to me! i'm awkward but I don't bite!



Journal Entry: Mon Dec 22, 2014, 7:57 PM

  • Mood: Disgust
  • Listening to: hella music
  • Watching: AND BOOM PORN AND IM LIKE ????????
  • Drinking: tea


whats ur fave thing bout aph russia
2 deviants said ??????? maria no
1 deviant said maria YES now answer the damn question [that means COMMENT U WEENIES]
White. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but pure, white. Was I dead? I was so cold... how could I be dead? Heaven - if that was where I was to go - was pure and wonderful, not this. Hunger gnawed at my insides, the pangs like a dagger stabbing repeatedly. How long had it been since I had eaten? I did not know. My sister... had she abandoned me? Where had she gone? 

I moved to sit up, my body sore, as if ran over by a train repeatedly. When I sat up, I saw something covered in snow next to me. It was such a strange shape; it could not have been a log of any sort. I put my hand on it and brushed off the newly fallen snowflakes. To my surprise, there was a cold, stiff object there. Pale and somewhat of a blue hue covered whatever it was, platinum blonde hair such as my own blowing gently in the harsh wind. The more of it I uncovered, the more I realized this was not just some random thing. 


That's right - how could I forget? The damned cold had taken her from me. My sister, Ukraine, lay there on the floor of the tundra, her lips blue. Her eyes were closed - she must have fallen asleep while death took her away. And what of my little, younger sister? Belarus - though I called her Bella, like I used to call my older sister Kat. Where was Bella? I looked around in a panic - surely she had not left me too? My head goes from right to left frantically, my heart racing. I'm surprised it still works, as cold as it is.

"Bella!" I shout into the cold, howling winds.

My voice falls on deaf ears, as there is no reply. I stand up, even though I'm growing more tired by the minute. I know the hypothermia is setting in - or at least frostbite. But I must find my little sister. My stomach growls again and I find myself fighting to stay awake. I leave my older sister's body behind, but there's no time to cry or grieve. If I don't find Bella, I won't want to survive. She is my only hope for fighting my way through this. I trudged through the drifts, the unforgiving cold slapping me in the face. I call to her, I look around everywhere. I've pasted the eerie sight of my older sister's unmoving body at least five times, but no sign of my small sister. Where could she have gone? My heart pounds faster as the wind howls more. I swear I can hear something in the wind; someone calling my name.


I whip my head around, but no one is there. I swallow my thick saliva and continue forward, shivering. Bella has to be somewhere around here, right? I keep my eyes as open as possible while I search. And then, I hear it again.


I turn around once more, only to be confronted with a bright light. It's from the sun - perhaps a hole in the clouds? I look into it and there I see her - Bella! My eyes light up as I see her.

"Bella!" I shout with glee. 

"Big Brother!" She replies, running toward me. 

I laugh - maybe there is a reason to live. I run toward her, smiling at her scent. She smells just like Big Sister used to... Did Bella know about Ukraine's death? I shook the thought out of my mind as I got closer to her. I felt her warmth embrace me, her arms wrapped tightly around me. And then... she disappeared. I opened my eyes when I realized I was holding nothing. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. 

"...Bella? Bella!" I wailed. 

Her scent still lingered, as did her warmth, but not for long. I stared at where she'd been moments before. I know she was there, I heard her, I felt her! I know she's somewhere. 

"Bella? Bella, stop hiding!" I laugh, telling myself that everything is okay, Bella is probably hiding.

As I spot a wonderful hiding spot behind a large tree, I start to run toward it. I'm quite far from Kat's body now, but that is her final resting place. I don't want to be near that place right now. I can't be near that place right now, Bella needs me! I rush behind the tree, laughing. Suddenly, something catches my foot and I plummet into the slicing snow, it's coldness pricing my every garment and the ice feeling like a blade against my face. I don't mind though - Bella probably did this. I turn around.

"Good one, Bella! Now, come out of hiding and--"

As I look for her to come out, I see a hand, laying in the snow. It looks very similar to Ukraine's hand. The facade I've made in my head begins to fade. Realization sets in.

They've both died. 

I sit down next to Bella - she's been gone for awhile. Her beautiful face... just like Ukraine's. They look like they're sleeping. I want to shake them and wake them up, but I know they won't budge on their own. I finally start to feel my tears streak down my face. I want to wail, but my voice is stuck in my throat. I can only cry. Suddenly, I begin to start laughing again. I don't know why, but suddenly this completely morbid situation has become extremely funny. I'm still crying, but now I'm laughing. I look at her body and I laugh even more. I look up into the sky, laughing as hard as I've ever laughed. Suddenly, I notice that it's becoming extremely warm. So warm, in fact, that my clothing is too hot for me. I begin to take it off, layer by layer, as thin as they are. I'm still laughing as I strip down - eventually I'm wearing nothing but my underwear. Not even my scarf. I run around, laughing. Everything feels so warm, like a summer's day. I can't figure out why I felt so sad before, this was the greatest day ever! 

Before too long, about 15 minutes, maybe, I started to feel very tired. Extremely tired, in fact. My body was begging for me to lay down. So, I did - right next to Bella. I figured that if it was comfortable enough for it to sleep there, it should be for me too, right? Of course. I laid down and used some of the soft, warm snow to cover up. As I laid down though, I sat right back up. I could hear people calling my name. They all said it over and over again. Different voices were yelling. 

"Brother, please!"
"P-Please, Ivan..."

These voices began to fade as I closed my eyes. All went black as I drifted off into a dreamland.


Suddenly I felt myself fling forward, bright light hitting my eyes. I flinched at their brightness, recoiling. Suddenly, I heard a gasp. 

"I-Ivan!" a woman yelled. 

The voice... I had heard it before. It was beautiful, like honey. I look around, squinting now. That's when I realize. 

That was all just a dream...and I just woke up from a coma I'd been in for five weeks. Everything came back to me at once. When I realized it was a horrible, horrible dream, I also realized I was alive and that my beautiful wife was there, like she said she would be, her arms clutched around me. Tears, as endless as they were, rolled down my face. 

"..I-I'm a-alive!...Oh, my god... S-Sunflower, I-I'm alive..." I sobbed.

We sobbed very much that day. But at least we were together.

i...i am so sorry that i brought this fresh hell of a fic into the world. i almost cried like 3 times writing this tbh.

originally, it wasn't even going to be about this, but the final fantasy music i was listening to make me think about snow and then.... this
i thought of like 3 different endings for this thing. 

1) ivan drifts off into death and that's the end.
2) ivan drifts off but is awoken by his sisters. i.e he has died and went to heaven
3) ending it with this sentence "the flatline awoke his wife, sleeping in the chair next to him."


if u excuse me im gonna go to sleep and probs have horrible dreams now 

(pls leave a comment, if you enjoy it! or if u cry. whichever comes first.)

what to even categorize this as????? "sad" is not an option 
what is ur new years resolution that - lets b honest - ur dropping within a week tops
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: violence/gore and strong language)
6 AM.
7 AM.
8 AM.
9 AM.
10 AM.

            It was finally 10:30 AM before there was any movement in the Braginsky household. A groggy feeling washed over the man as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes. The fan mere inches away from his bed gently blew on him, his hair tickling his face slightly. He brushed the delicate strands from his face and looked down, his eyes landing on the beautiful figure next to him. He hugged the woman closer to his body, enjoying her warmth and soft skin from her shirtless figure. Looking at his phone on the nightstand, he saw it was 10:35, well past time for him to be at the meeting that began four hours ago. He chuckled - when he met this beautiful woman all those years ago he had no interest in world meetings anymore. He ony ever went when he needed to and he didn't need to this time. He buried his nose in the crook of his wife's neck, gently kissing the tender skin. She moved a little under his tender sign of affections, trying to move so she could continue sleeping. Ivan, of course, had other plans. He suddenly bit down harshly, sucking on the skin he desired. It was a nice surprise when she awoke with a pleasurable moan.

                        "I-Ivan!" she whined, sitting up at once.

                        "What?" he asked, his voice at ease, as if nothing was wrong.

                        "Why are you trying to give me a hickey when I'm asleep?"

                        "Sunflower... it was not a hickey, but merely a sign of my affection."

                        "Is that what you're going to blame the excitedness in your pants on?"

        There was a pause - Ivan hadn't even realized what he was doing to himself. He blushed and looked up, clearing his throat and putting on a sly smile.

                        "Of course not. I'm going to blame it on you."

                        "W-what? Why?"

                        "You're not wearing a shirt."

        Quickly, she covered up her chest with the sheet.

                        "O-only because of you!"

                        "Because of me... not because of me... what does it matter?" he purred.

                        "Ivan, you're an asshole." she remarked, trying not to laugh.

                        "I know." he replied, also sitting up.

        Suddenly, there was a panicked expression on his wife's face. She looked at the nightstand on her side and began to fret.

                        "Oh, no! You had a meeting today! I completely forgot! You missed it, didn't you?"

                        "Of course I missed it. I don't have time for such petty things anymore. Only you."

                        "Ivan, really, your boss is going to ship you off one day on account of your attendance."

        Ivan rolled his eyes and looked at her with an amused, smug expression. This was not his first rodeo, but he enjoyed the thought of Putin thinking he could possibly come up with a way to "punish" Ivan that he couldn't overrule.

                        "You think too much for your own good." he simply remarked, getting out of bed.

        Like [Name], Ivan wasn't wearing a shirt, but he was wearing flannel pajama bottoms. He walked over to the closet, taking out his outfit for the day - a black sweater, khakis and his usual boots. As he got dressed, [Name] checked her phone, looking over her usual social media sites. Suddenly she was hit gently with a large, over sized sweater. She looked over to see Ivan chuckling, already dressed.

                        "Here, you can wear that, if you would like. I don't even know why you have your own clothing sometimes, seeing as you wear my stuff constantly."

                        "I can't fit your pants and a lot of other things, so I only wear your shirts and sweaters."

        He chuckled again and shook his head a little, grabbing his phone and going downstairs. He only looked at it long enough to see if anything was going on. 

                        'Nothing of importance. Good; I would like to have a normal, lazy day with [Name], for once.'

        Ivan reached the main floor and walked into the kitchen, looking in the fridge for something quick to eat. 

                        "Ugh, we need to go shopping soon. But, luckily," he smirked to himself, "I am rich, bitch. I could practically buy the stores if I wanted. Of course," he closed the door and grabbed a menu hanging off of the fridge, "I could just surprise [Name] with a little treat. That's a much better idea."

        While Ivan called the Chinese restaurant, [Name] came walking down the stairs, dressed in an over sized sweater, black leggings and short boots. She has holding her phone and her purse, looking down at her phone. She hopped off of the second to last stair before taking a right into the living room. She then took a left and sat down at the bar connected to the small kitchen. She didn't look up once, so she didn't see her husband staring at her, captivated by her elegance and beauty. He quickly looked back down toward the menu and the phone in his hand before asking her what she wanted.

                        "Hey, what do you want from the Chinese place?"

        She looked up in surprise. Chinese was her favorite type of take out.

                        "The Chinese place?"

        He smiled and nodded. "Yes - I'm buying us breakfast. Or, lunch rather, since Chinese doesn't come in a cereal box."

        She giggled and smiled. "Just my usual order - Shrimp Fried Rice, Beef and Broccoli and don't forget the Crab Ragues."

        He nodded and called the place, beginning his order. [Name] noticed his phone vibrate and she looked at it curiously. Not because she thought he was cheating, but because she knew a lot of important people called him, so she wanted to make sure it was nothing important. She picked it up and looked at it, noticing there was a text message from a close friend of them both, Viktor. She smiled to herself and read over it, expecting some sarcastic remark about how he was half way there to their home and that they had better cure his boredom or else he was going to "kick their asses". Meanwhile, Ivan finished his order and hung up the phone. As he set it down, there was a bang noise by [Name], as she dropped her phone on the counter in shock. Her eyes were wide, and her open mouth suggested she was shocked about something. Before he could ask what was wrong, she closed her mouth and swallowed nervously. Ivan could tell by her body language she was becoming afraid.

                        "What is it?" He asked, a serious tone in his voice. It was more of a demand for an answer than a question.

                        "...T-they're back..." she stammered, "t-the Pictonians are back..."

                        "What?!" Ivan yelled, feeling a panic rise in his throat, "But, the Queen of them, she said she wouldn't come back! She promised!"

                        "Viktor texted and said that the Queen appeared before America and she requested to see all of us. She brought an army with her, according to Viktor." 

        Flashbacks from four years ago, when they first came replayed in Ivan's mind. Four years ago, before him and [Name] were married, she accompanied him and the others to try and defeat the aliens. In fact, Ivan would have been the first to turn into a Pictonian had [Name] not blocked their attack with her body, causing her to turn into one right before his eyes. He didn't know if he could go through that again, since back then he didn't love her as much as he did now. Back then they were just dating, but four years is a long time and surprisingly, his love only grew for her. He often said that he never knew he harbored so much love, but it all came out when he was together with her. Could he really watch her turn into one of those aliens again?

                        "Get your coat; we're driving to Estonia's place. He will be able to use his computer to transport us to America's place much faster."

                        "What about the Chinese food?"

                        "I told them to put it on my tab. We'll pick it up when this is all over." 'If we make it.' he added mentally.

        She nodded and ran upstairs to go get her coat. He sighed, having one already in the downstairs closet. Throwing it on quickly, he grabbed his car keys and once [Name] returned, left for Estonia's house.


                        "Are you usually this pale?" [Name] asked, looking at Eduard with a worried expression. 

                        "N-no..." he muttered, shaking his head to try and clear his mind. He sighed, his gaze returning to Ivan, who was just as concerned.

                        "Maybe you should sit down, Eduard." Ivan suggested. 

                        "I'll bet he just doesn't want to dance around in a dress anymore." [Name] joked, looking at Ivan.

                        "Listen..." Ivan grinned a little, "It was a last minute idea. And Russian food isn't exact renowned for it's greatness." 

                        "It's not that," said Eduard, "It's the fact that they're back. They shouldn't be back. But they are. Why are they back? Why do they wish to see us? I doubt they want to borrow some sugar."

                        "Do you think... they want our planet again?" [Name] asked.

                        "They might. And that's what I'm afraid of." Eduard sighed.

                        "Well, the faster you get us on the road to America's, the faster we'll know." Ivan stated.

                        "I know. I'm just... nervous." he gulped, typing the information on his laptop so it would begin the teleportation process. 

                        "Step onto the warp pad." Eduard instructed.

        Ivan took [Name's] hand, squeezing it gently and together they stepped onto the warp pad. Quickly running next to them, Eduard stepped onto it too and with that, they were off to America's place.


        The young blonde headed nation looked nervously at the pad, jumping a little when Ivan and the others appeared on it. He was standing next to Viktor, but in the back you could hear England, France and the other remaining Allies and Axis. Ivan shook America's hand and prepared himself to hear some stupid nonsense, but also to put aside him and America's differences. 

                        "Alfred." Ivan said while shaking his hand.

                        "...Ivan." Alfred replied.

                        "I got Viktor's text and came as soon as I could. [Name] came too."

                        "Oh, good. Hello, [Name]."

                        "Hello, Alfred."

                        "Where is the Queen?"

                        "She is in one of the conference rooms. The others are waiting in my office next to us. The Queen said it was important, so we really should get going."

                        "Right. Lead the way." Ivan nodded.

        Alfred turned around, grabbing a swift drink of whiskey before heading on out to get the others. Despite England and France's bickering, the room had a solemn aura about it. Once Alfred entered, the others stopped talking, if they were, and stood up. Germany looked at him, his eyes then shifting over to Ivan, [Name] and Eduard. Silent greetings in the form of headnods were exchanged by all those in the room. Then they all got into some what of a line, following Alfred to the other conference room. Alfred walked in first, opening the door for all those following him. There, at the head of the table, was the Pictonian Queen. She, like before, didn't have a face, her clothing and such still all white. A group of Pictonians surrounded her, all white with green orbs hanging from their heads, just like before. None of them had faces, which was strange, considering she'd taken that marker from Italy and said she would "treasure it forever". [Name] figured she would have given some of her people faces before learning how to mass produce the item, thus giving everyone a face. All of the countries sat down in chairs around the table, Ivan, Alfred, Germany and [Name] taking the closest seats to the Queen. 

                        "Your Highness, I have brought everyone you requested." Alfred said.

                        "Good!" She replied, cheerfully. 

                        'Well, at least she doesn't sound angry.' [Name] thought, studying her carefully.

                        "I have gathered you all here today to discuss something with you. But, first, let me make you all more comfortable, hmm? I can sense your nervousness."

        With a giggle, the doors to the room instantly slammed shut and locked themselves. Pictonians from behind her walked over to the door, guarding it so no one could escape. At this, the countries began to realize this was some sort of trap. Ivan growled but kept himself calm; if they showed any sign of fight now, they would be doomed for sure. Ivan looked at her and narrowed his eyes, but before he could say anything, the Queen herself began to change. She laughed as her form changed before their eyes. She was now black, rather than white, and all of the Pictonians became the same color. Their orbs turned red rather than green. They were the exact opposite of what they had just been. The Queen now had a face, just like a human's face. Her body was still black, but her clothing gained color too. Dark colors, but they were colored, at least. She had dark violet eyes, and her dress was also dark violet as was her hair. She laughed once more before looking at the others smugly.

                        "Are you more comfortable now?" she asked.

                        "Нет, not really." Ivan replied, glaring at her, crossing his arms. "Why are we really here?"

                        "Because, silly," she giggled. "I want to discuss my people taking over your planet."

                        "You may not take this planet!" Kiku spoke up, nervousness hitting him hard. "This is our planet, and we live on it. You can not take this away from us!"

                        "Yeah, he has a point," Ludwig spoke up after him. "besides, we didn't even do anything to your planet."

                        "In fact," Viktor spoke up now, but [Name] noticed that some of the Pictonians watching the ordeal looked at Ivan when Viktor spoke. They did sound a lot alike, and sometimes they looked almost the same. Viktor's eyes, hair and clothing were slightly different along with his voice and personality, but they weren't so different that you couldn't possibly mistake one for the other. "not only did we do nothing to your planet, but we gave you guys faces! What the fuck is your deal?!"

                        "If you'd kindly read my proposal, you'd know my deal." she smiled, sliding a piece of paper toward Alfred. It was written in English, luckily, so he could read it. He read it outloud for the others to hear.

                        "'Dear Earthlings and Humans alike, I, Queen Ursula of the Pictonians, hereby offer a deal to make with you. In exchange for having complete and total leadership over your planet, I will allow you all to live, remain human and travel between my planet and yours. However, if you do not agree, then I will have to take your planet by force and turn all of you into Pictonians, or, if resisted, kill you. You may choose.'"

                        "What?!" [Name] yelled in surprise. "You can't do that!" she hissed, glaring daggers at the Queen.

                        "I agree with [Name]!" Arthur yelled, standing up, "You cannot do this to us! This isn't even a "deal", it's like an agenda!" 

        The Queen simply smirked and crossed her arms.

                        "Well, if you do not wish to sign, then I will have to turn you into Pictonians... or worse." 

                        "Wait, wait wait..." Ivan spoke up quickly, [Name] getting hit by the Pictonian blast replaying in his head. "How much time will you allow us to think this over?"

                        "...Thirty minutes should do." she replied.

                        "Thirty minutes?!" [Name] growled. "That's not enough time for anything!"

        Before the Queen could reply, Ivan stood up, yanking [Name] up with him. The two Pictonian guards by the door unlocked it and moved so the group could do into another room and discuss their plan. Alfred led them out like he'd lead them in, except now with 100% more nervousness. Once back into his office, all of them shared a swig from his whiskey bottle. 

                        "Jesus Christ," Arthur hissed. "What are we going to do? They have us right where they want us. We can't leave the building without them noticing."

                        "What about the warp pad?" Feliciano suggested.

                        "It has to recharge." Eduard replied, shaking his head. 

                        "You know," Ivan began. He had a solemn look plastered on his face, his expression dark. "I think... I think we should sign."


                        "Wait, before you start yelling! Let me explain. We're out numbered, because she probably has more of those things outside. We have to run past her room to escape, and when we do, they'll just start firing at us. I know moving targets are harder to hit, but it's a straight hallway for a while. And, if we don't sign it, we're risking the entire Earth. Right now, all of us have the Earth's fate in our hands. Do you really want to get the entire planet "cleansed" because we wanted to try and go against impossible odds?"

                        "Why is this even a question?" Ludwig asked. "We know how to defeat them. We only need to draw faces on them and they'll be happy go lucky, like before. And, this is an office building. We have plenty of markers here."

                        "But, Ludwig," Ivan protested, "Their bodies are black. They won't see the faces. And their leader has a face just like ours. I think they've managed to work up some sort of immunity against their previous weakness."

        All of the nations listened to him and, the more they thought about it, the more he was right. They wouldn't be able to see their faces if they drew some on them anyway, and their leader had a face this time. A human face, too. With color. Why was this? Ludwig and everyone else tried to think about it, but nothing came to mind as a solution. 

                        "There has to be a way to change them, like we did before." [Name] muttered, lost in thought. 

        As [Name] thought, her mind focused on Ludwig's words, four years prior. After Ivan had asked why the Pictonians stopped attacking them after Feliciano showed up, Ludwig said they were probably hypnotised by his facial expressions, since they didn't have any. The more [Name] thought about it, the more she felt like she was about to figure out the million dollar answer. 

                        'Feliciano's facial expressions put them into a trance because they're so colorful, just like his movements. He is very animated and has a colorful personality. They're so... bland, though. They're all the same, but we're so different. They're the same color, we're not. Hell, they don't even have a colorful vocabulary. What makes Feliciano so animated though? ...That's it! I've got it!'

                        "Guys! I know what we have to do!"

        Everyone looked up at [Name] expectantly. 

                        "Well, go on Sunflower, we're running out of time."

                        "Personality! Feliciano is very animated, very colorful as a person. The Pictonians are not at all colorful. Back four years ago, Ludwig said they had stopped attacking because of his interesting facial expressions. Feliciano only harbors those colorful expressions and whatnot because of his personality. We all have different personalities; they make us different! They make us colorful, they make us unique. Pictonians don't have any personality at all! We have to give them a personality!"

                        "...I think [Name] has a good point there!" Alfred said, suddenly excited. "This could be our ticket out of this situation!"

                        "But, how are we going to give them a personality? We'd have to spend weeks with them!" Arthur exclaimed.

                        "Leave this one to me." [Name] grinned, taking out a round bottle from her purse. It was glass and filled with some orange, sparkly liquid. A cork was at it's top, sealing it.

                        "What in the world is that?" Viktor asked.

                        "Bottled magic..." Ivan muttered, his eyes widening. "[Name], what are you thinking?"

                        "If we all use some of our DNA and combine it with this magic, then if we make them drink it, they will gain a personality. We'll have to combine our DNA so they get a different personality than just a carbon copy of one of us. Also, different DNA samples give different personality traits."

                        "What do you mean by that?" Kiku asked.

                        "For example, hair may represent how one deals with hygiene while salvia may represent how one handles their anger. I'm sure more than one trait applies to each type of DNA sample, but that's the gist of what I mean. So, in order to get different and the best results, we should combine more than one type of DNA per person. And we should put more than one person's DNA samples in one mixture."  [Name] explained.

                        "That sounds like our best bet." Ivan nodded.

                        'Yes! Finally, knowing about Alchemy comes in hand!' [Name] thought to herself.

                        "We'll need to detain a Pictonian, though, and we'll have to force them to drink it. How is that going to work?" Alfred asked.

                        "If we cut off their antennae, then they shouldn't be dangerous anymore, right? Did Tony ever say anything about their antennae being a necessity to life?"

                        "No, but he never said anything about it not being one either."

                        "Honestly," Ivan spoke, "I don't see a downside to that. Even if it is, then, congratulations we've just killed a Pictonian. One less to deal with."

                        "And possibly a whole planet coming to us for a war..." Arthur muttered.

                        "Alright! We've got a plan!" [Name] exclaimed.

                        "But how much time do we have left?" Ivan asked.

                        "...Ten minutes. We have ten minutes to get all the DNA samples we can, and then combine them with... how much magic does it take?" Alfred inquired.

                        "Just a few drops. The magic, once combined with the DNA, will produce it's own liquid. It'll be enough." [Name] replied.

                        "Good," he grinned. "we have plenty of time. Let's do it, countries! Start ripping out your hair, swabbing your saliva and brushing off your skin cells!"

                        "And collect bottles for me to do the combining in!" [Name] yelled, setting herself a station on Alfred's desk. 

        At once, all of the countries begin to take as much DNA from themselves as they could, swabbing saliva, ripping out hair strands and whatnot. While Ivan was busy taking some of his hair strands and placing them into a small, empty bowl, Viktor suggested something pretty unexpected and gross.

                        "Hey, Ivan, [Name]! I'll bet you two could provide some rare DNA for these Pictonians, right?"

                        "What are you talking about now?" Ivan groaned, now putting a mouthful of cotton balls in his mouth.

                        "Well," he grinned, "[Name] said all DNA, right? The "sexual juices" probably count as such, right?"

        Ivan nearly choked on the cotton balls, spitting them out at once into his bowl. He had a slightly amused but overall disgusted look on his face while [Name's] face was just extremely red.

                        "VIKTOR!" Ivan yelled. "Firstly, there's none of that on our bodies and secondly, even if there were, I am not using that for DNA."

        Viktor, along with Alfred, laughed at his reply. Ivan just rolled his eyes and shook his head, taking his samples over to [Name].

                        "Sorry about those morons." Ivan sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

                        "I know, they've always been like that. Honestly, if my face hadn't gotten so red, it would've been funnier." she replied, taking his bowl.

        Within ten minutes, they were able to collect a significant amount of DNA mixtures for their cause. 20 various containers holding the DNA mix sat on Alfred's desk, all ready to go. Their time was up, though, and they couldn't just walk into the other room holding the bottles. They would have to fight them.

                        "Alright. The DNA mixes are done, and now we just have to send in a team for battle." Arthur spoke, looking around.

                        "I'll go." Ivan said, raising his hand. 

                        "I'll go too." Alfred nodded.

                        "Count me in!" Viktor grinned.

                        "Me, also." said Ludwig.

                        "Take me!" [Name] squeaked, raising her hand.

                        "Ah... but, Sunflower--"

                        "Nope, stop right there! I'm going to fight whether you like it or not!" 

                        "But, [Name]--" Ivan tried protesting again. 

                        "Ivan. This is not a debate." [Name] frowned, crossing her arms.

                        "...Alright. I just... don't like the idea of you getting hurt."

        [Name] smiled and kissed his cheek reassuringly.

                        "But, I'm not going to get hurt, because you'll be there to protect me!"

                        "Heh, you're right." he smiled, giving her a quick hug.

                        "Now then," Ivan said, looking at the other countries, "We need weapons that can slice. Remember, we are cutting off their orb thingies, not shooting them. America, do you happen to have any swords laying around?"

                        "Well.. No, but I do have this steak knife and a letter opener."

                        "Hmm... They will have to do. Ah! Wait a minute, I think I have some items in my coat that will help."

        He opened his coat, which was basically a walking armory. He had a gun, hatchet, sickle, flask, shovel a Swiss army knife and, of course, his trusty pipe, all inside his coat. He smiled to himself for being prepared for anything and took out the sickle, handing it to [Name], who was good with swords and the like. He took out the hatchet (which was shaped like the hammer from the Soviet flag) for himself and gave the knife to Viktor. Ludwig received the steak knife America had while America kept the letter opener. [Name] grinned and swung around the sickle, getting used to it's feel. 


                        "Wait a minute," Alfred interrupted Ivan. "do you keep all of that in your coat all the time?"

        Ivan just flashed a smug grin.

                        "Sure do. Could I be better prepared or what?"

                        "...Dude... that's a little ridiculous, isn't it?"

                        "Well, considering I probably just saved your ass with these weapons, no." 

        Alfred rolled his eyes, although in the back of his mind, he knew Ivan was probably right, and he was secretly jealous. 

                        "Now that my ego has had a nice boost, I'm ready to explain our attack method. I say we go in the room and just all out attack them, no warnings. Surprise is on our side. Remember, show the enemy no fear. Go on, attack their antennae. Arthur, you'll stay out here with Eduard and take the ones who have their antennae off to the room. Kiku and the others will then start to administer medical help to them if they need it. Then, once they're calm, you give them one of the bottles to drink. Tell them it's a medicine. Hopefully, once they drink it, they'll gain personalities and come to their senses." Ivan explained.

                        "Alright, that sounds like a fine plan." Arthur nodded. 

                        "I agree." Eduard said, looking up from the bottles he'd been staring at.

                        "I'll lead." Ivan said, turning around toward the door. He looked back at his team - [Name], Alfred, Viktor and Ludwig - and gave a reassuring nod. 

        With that, he opened the door and they crept down the hallway...

        Once they got near the door, the group saw it was open. There were no words from the room. It was eerily quiet. Ivan beckoned for the group to follow him up to the door frame. Once they reached it, Ivan turned around and mouthed to them: 'When I give the signal, run in and attack!'

        The team all nodded in understanding. Ivan turned back around and, with a countdown from five to zero, ran into the room with his weapon at his right side. The Queen stood up once they entered and gasped, narrowing her eyes. No words were spoken to the Queen but when she watched Ludwig successfully take off the first Pictonian's antennae, she knew what was happening and yelled for her "soldiers" to attack.

                        "This breaks the treaty!" she warned, hissing.

                        "GOOD!" [Name] yelled, dodging a blast from a Pictonian. "Your "treaty" was horrible anyway!"

                        "Hey, grey haired one! You should control your bitch!" the Queen growled, smirking.

        She hoped it would invoke Ivan to attack her, since he appeared to be the most powerful one. However, it only invoked [Name] to forget what she was supposed to be doing. She looked up and growled, turning around and running full speed toward the Queen. Ivan saw her out of his peripheral vision and went wide eyed, finishing his foe and turning toward her direction. 

                        "[NAME]! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he demanded.

                        "I've HAD it with you!" [Name] hissed, lunging at the Queen.

        The number of Pictonians were dwindling quickly as the five proved to be too much of a match for the Pictonians in the room. Arthur and Eduard worked quickly to transport all of the helpless aliens to Alfred's office. They were given medical attention for the small amount of bleeding they had and, without question, they took the drinks they were given. It was strange they didn't even put up a fight, but they supposed that since they'd taken away their only method of attack, they were just going to ride out fate. After giving one of them a drink, Arthur turned around to check on their supplies when he heard Eduard gasp. He quickly turned around to make sure the alien hadn't regrew the orb back. However, when he turned around, he only saw... humans.

                        "What the bloody hell?!" he yelled, staring at the humans that were once Pictonians. 

                        "...Watch out!" one of them, a man, yelled. "Ursula will get us!" 

                        "Ursula?" Eduard asked.

                        "The Queen! She's gone evil!"

                        "Oh, her. You're not in danger anymore. We promise." Arthur replied.

                        "W-we're not?" a women asked, fretting.

                        "Nope. You are safe. And you are human now." Kiku spoke, his soft tone calming them down.

                        "...You... You all saved us! You've taken away the mind control!"

                        "Mind control?" Arthur asked.

                        "Yes! When the Queen wanted to turn us evil, she implanted those green orbs on our heads. They take away any individuality we have and control our minds. Because they do that, they turn us into white blob beings. They don't have a mind of their own and everything they do they are controlled to do." the man replied.

                        "Holy shit... So, it's not [Name's] potion, but just simply cutting off their antennae will work to change them back!" Arthur exclaimed.

                        "Yes. Once ridded of those horrid things, all of the Pictonians should return into human beings. You see, our planet didn't always used to be so bland. Let us explain..."

        Meanwhile, in the Conference Room...

        All of the Pictonians that were originally in the room were gone, but the Queen had only summoned more. Ivan and the other three were occupied with taking them down, but [Name] was still battling with the Queen. Strangely enough, the sickle seemed to have some sort of magic property over it, because when the Queen fired a magical orb at [Name], she could hit it with her weapon and it would bounce off. [Name] deflected another ball of magic when she noticed the Queen had fired another, but it wasn't going toward her. The ball of magic soared over [Name's] head and toward the worst possible target - Ivan.

                        "IVAN! WATCH OUT!" [Name] screamed, jumping from the ground to the table with amazing acrobatics.

        She ran as fast as she could toward the orb, but she knew that she probably wouldn't make it. She still had to try, though; Ivan would risk everything just to make sure [Name] was safe. It was time for her to show she would do the same for him. She jumped up, higher than the ball of magic and managed to flip herself so she landed right in front of Ivan. By the time she landed, he knew that she had told him to look out for something, so her elbow almost slammed right into his nose. He flinched, expecting pain, but was surprised to open his eyes to no pain. He watched as she deflected yet another orb. The orb, rather than bouncing off somewhere else, went straight back to the Queen, who wasn't paying attention. She barely let out a scream before the orb hit her and transformed her into a Pictonian right in front of their eyes. [Name] gasped as she watched the smug Queen get a taste of her own medicine. She then took action. Leaping once more into the table, she ran toward the Queen with the intention of slashing her antennae. However, when she got there, in a quick flash, she decided to just kill her. 

                        'Better safe than sorry.' [Name] thought to herself. 

        But, how did you kill someone with a sickle? You couldn't really... stab someone with it, unless you angled it just right. That's when [Name] remembered. She was originally going to slice off the antennae, so why not just... slice off her neck? Made perfect sense to [Name]. Before anyone could have stopped her if they wanted, the former Queen's head and body were separated. There was no blood, as one might expect though. Her head fell to the floor and she simply... disappeared. There was a bright green flash outside along with the transformation of any remaining Pictonians to humans. Everyone stopped fighting at once and fought to catch their breaths. Suddenly, where Ursula once was, appeared the Queen they'd seen before. She was gorgeous - beautiful skin, long, lusicious locks of hair and a beautiful dress. Not to mention, her figure was perfect. She smiled and bowed quickly.

                        "Hello, humans. My name is Phoebie. I am very glad to make your acquaintance."

                        "Don't tell me you're going to attack us, too." Viktor groaned.

                        "No no, of course not. I appeared here to thank you once again and to take back my Pictonians. You see, you just fought and defeated Ursula, my twin sister. Her mind was tainted with a thirst for power and so she got ahold of some dark magic, turning everyone on the planet except her into blank, mindless blobs. The first time you saved us, you'd given us faces and therefore broke half of the spell. However, without personalities, the spell soon overrode the faces we were given and we returned to mindless blobs. I was sealed before she came here to attack, so I couldn't stop her even if I tried. I am very glad you are safe. I wanted to apologize for the trouble and thank you for saving us."

                        "Oh... well..." [Name] gave a cheeky grin, rubbing the back of her head. "Glad we could help."

                        "All of us Pictonians will now be able to return to our original forms. And we will be able to be colorful again, like we once were. Thank you, humans. Here - take this." The Queen handed an orb on a necklace to [Name], who clutched it tightly.

                        "If you are ever in any danger, it will summon some of my army to your location. Use this whenever you feel you need to. It is the least I can do."

                        "...Thank you." [Name] smiled.

                        "Hey," Ivan's voice came from behind. "it sounds like your sister ruled with an iron fist, huh?"

                        "Yes. She was using Communist ways to rule over our people."

        Ivan shuddered. "That blows. I can give you some resources so you can rebuild, if you would like? I've been through Communism and... it fucking sucks."

        The Queen smiled and nodded quickly.

                        "If you are able to afford the supplies, we will take anything we can get. It will help us out greatly."

                        "Sure," Ivan chuckled, "Just come back in like.. two days or so and we'll sort something out. We should really clean ourselves up for today."

        The Queen smiled and nodded, bowing again. 

                        "Thank you, humans. We will erect statues in your good names! May you forever be blessed!" she yelled, bidding them farewell. 

        With that, she disappeared, some small sparkles left where she was once standing. 

        [Name] felt her body suddenly turn sideways. Out of surprise, she jumped a little. 

                        "Calm down, it's just me." Ivan cooed, smiling down and then returning his gaze up.

                        "Heheh... 'erect'." Viktor and Alfred chuckled amongst themselves.

                        "You guys need to grow up." Ivan retorted.

                        "Yeah yeah, whatever, Commie. Don't you have some small, helpless countries to take over for no reason?"

                        "You know what, Alfred, you can go suck a dick." Ivan hissed.

                        "Wow, there have been more sexual innuendos within the past two hours we've been here than spending an entire day with Ivan." [Name] remarked, laughing.

                        "Correction, Ivan and you. You make sexual jokes too. Don't even try the innocent woman card." The Russian nation retorted quickly. 

        In the back of everyone's mind, though, they were happy that everything had returned back to normal. 

                                                                                                                                                                             The End


"...So, [Name], this morning was a bit of a tease and with all the sexual jokes..."

"You've GOT to be kidding me, Ivan. I fought for the whole of humanity today including saving your ass from becoming a Pictonian again, and now you're asking me to have sex with you??"

"That is exactly what I am asking." he replied.

"...I never expected anything less." she purred, kissing him on the lips.
DNAger [Russia x Reader]

basic summary: sexual jokes and ivan is THE biggest asshole gdi ivan

i have not done a russia x reader in a while, but this idea came to me today. took me about five hours to complete in all. i really hope you guys like it and i'd love to hear your thoughts!

obviously nothing here belongs to me.......... obviously dont belong to you either....... sorry......... maybe you shouldnt have married the worlds biggest asshole..........


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ZombieFritz Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Braginskey Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015  Student General Artist

salutations my friend 
NlKlTA Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2015  Student Writer
Best profile
Braginskey Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2015  Student General Artist

i try ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
(( I know u I follow u on tumblr it's me Rococo ))
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